Friday, March 25, 2011

Thinner than paper.

I am blue and I am not sure that there is a dye that is strong enough to brighten my mentality right now. The motivation for cleaning, laundry, homework and appointments is really taking it toll on me. It is all closing in on me.. when all I want to do is lock myself in a little room and stare at the wall or the inside of my eyelids.

While I don't let how I feel stop what needs to be done... house work, class work, appointments and everyday kids stuff, that don't mean that I don't want to still hide.

I love my kids and I vas in all that they are and I love spending time with them, however; all the arguing, tantrums, sleepiness nights, broken stuff and every other negative behavior pulls at my strings.

There are days that are much grander than other and some that are not so good. But as I stepped away for a few days after I started this entry I realized that I am richer in more than any wealth many could ever imagine. So what started as a blog about me just at the end of my rope and wanting nothing more that 2 minutes alone to breathe, I realize that I am not sure that it's what I really want at all.

But what do I want.. is there really anything that I want?

My kids are healthy.. aside from our X's!
We live in a nice house that is only getting better the more WE work on it!
I have a wonderful husband who loves me and accepts all that I am ~ crazy X's and all!
My kids are happy and so is my husband and I!

Now that's not to say that there are days that we are not happy and we are stressed and needing some time apart.
But in real life who doesn't need time away from each other. We are a family and dissipate my personal issues and faults, I will live with the negative behaviors and just look forward to the days that are better!

Because without me looking forward to the days that are grand.. how will I ever make it?!