Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My Father

As I was driving down the road... which I must say I do wonderfully! But that is off topic.

Anyways, as I was driving to pick up the kids, from school, on this beautiful day I had the radio up and a song came on that makes me run though a series of emotions.

Sweet Child of Mine by Guns & Roses came across the air waves and in the 5 minutes that it was one I believe that I went though every emotion from anger to contentment.

As you ask how is it possible that you can flow though such emotion from a single song.. for me this song contains memories that I want to remember and ones that I would like to never think of again.

Since I began to talk to my fathers side of the family, it makes me wonder why he would leave his own children.

I understand that everyone in my family has their own story as to why he is not around and while I realistically will never know that answer to that... I have grown to question if I ever want to know why.

One of the only memories I have of my father and myself are sitting on his lap and him singing that song to me.

When I was about 9 years old I am not sure what brought it on because I would have been about 3-4 when he did that, but I asked my mother about what I remembered and she told me that it used to happen all the time.

I would crawl up in his lap and when the song came on he would sing it to me. As my mother said I was his mini me and in my eyes he could do no wrong.

Then he walked out of our lives... and now as I listen to that song I am flooded with the one happy memory that I have of him and the anger that he could leave his children.

I don't really remember what he looks like, however if you talk to anyone in my family they tell me to look in the mirror. Yet for me at times that really is not enough...

I love that song, no matter what I have to say about the memories... even if one day they are good or bad or if they are just memories that we all have to live with.

Sweet child of Mine makes me smile, angry, over-joyed, or content with the way that my life or mind is!

HAHAHAHAAA I just realized I might have issues...

NO NO wait...

I already knew that and there was no question about it!!

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